We are back Spuds! Whether you want us or not...

You may be thinking to yourselves at this moment, “Did you really just write two blog posts and then peace out for seven months?”

The correct answer would be: Yes, yes we really did. But lucky for you we are back and better than ever, refueled and filled with the rage of a thousand tsunamis, ready to crash head-long into some truth bombs.

This month we will be discussing a particular abomination that has been infiltrating a large variety of shoe types–heels, boots, flats, sandals–and it must come to an end for the sake of humanity. In a world where we readily gave up plastic straws to save the turtles, it is quite alarming that clear, plastic shoes have become so popular, as they are quite obviously the root cause of global warming.

The clear, plastic shoe is a mutant form, hardly classifying as an actual “shoe,” since it so closely resembles other species such as clear plastic bags, clear plastic boxes, clear plastic jars, etc. The creation of an article of clothing that so clearly mirrors non-clothing items evoke a myriad of questions. The first question we must contemplate while gazing upon these hideous spectacles is–Why?? Because, first of all, let’s just admit to ourselves that these shoes are one of the most repugnant sights to be seen in the entire world. I could easily find more appeal in the moldy sandwich found at the bottom of my backpack in third grade, and would more readily ponder the prospect of taking a bite instead of wearing clear plastic shoes for even one minute. Why in the world would somebody think these are a good idea? Which brings me to my next question–Who?? Who was the person that first brought these shoes into existence and what did he sell his soul for?

Let us now consider the anatomy of the clear plastic shoe: Whether a heel, boot, flat, or sandal, the most fundamental aspect in identifying the shoes is that they are, quite obviously, made of clear plastic. What does this mean for the shoe-wearer? Well, it means that now everyone is able to see your toes, incommodiously crammed inside, screaming for the sweet release of death–hardly an alluring sight to behold. Now, let us also consider the unforgiving nature of plastic and its inability to properly sustain airflow. This, along with your toes clinging on for dear life, sweating, unable to breath, and it’s only a matter of days before an entire ecosystem begins to blossom in these shoes–filled with bacteria, foot fungus, and man-made clouds. If this grotesque imagery has not dissuaded you from clear, plastic shoes for the rest of your life, then I have some news for you–you are wrong.

Despite what we know to be true about clear plastic shoes, which–in case we’re not on the same page–is that the functionality of the ugly thing does not out-weigh its ugliness, would you be intrigued if we tell you that these deeply vile shoes can actually be used as an analogy for the individualistic nature of our society? No? How fortunate for you because you are about to be told.

Although individualism does have its merits in enabling each person to search for the Truth, it is also the basis of relativistic thinking, which is why we so often hear, “you can do whatever you want, as long as it doesn’t interrupt my life.” But that is the fundamental lie, the actions of each person will always effect the community as a whole, although it may not seem apparent at first. Canon 223 states, “In exercising their rights, the Christian faithful, both as individuals and when gathered in associations, must take account of the common good of the Church and of the rights of others as well as their own duties towards others.” We, as the children of God, are called to live selflessly, always taking into regard how our actions effect the greater good. We cannot act in a way contrary to the good and expect that our actions will not effect those around us–in other words–we can’t fart and expect no one else to smell it. In this same way, the blatant nature of the clear, plastic shoe is a detriment to the whole of society because of its very nature as “clear.” Although we could very well say that it doesn’t matter if people wear clear, plastic shoes (even though they clearly harm the wearer, both fashionably and functionally,) they also harm the community as a whole because now we all have to look at them and the putrescence of your sweaty, dying feet inside of them.

Pope Saint John Paul II once said, “Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought.” So what ought we do for the greater good of our fellow brothers and sisters? Not wear clear, plastic shoes–that’s what.

#SaveTheTurtlesAndOurSanityAndNeverEverCreateAnotherClearShoeAgain

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